Colored pens and gold: Discovering acceptance and being my true authentic self

I originally planned to write a blog about burnout and my experiences with it, but this year, I have been on a journey of self-acceptance. The experience has been quite powerful for me, and in a way, I think it does help avoid burnout. So, come with me while I share my experiences.

When January comes around, I see it as an opportunity to set new goals for myself. Not necessarily resolutions, but a time to reflect on the previous year and set some intentions for the current year. So, this January, I decided that my self-talk was often quite negative, and the only one getting hurt was me. So, I “resolved” to radically accept myself in 2025.

How does one begin to do this work? Instead of standing in front of the mirror and pointing out things I liked about myself (the idea of this makes me physically ill), I thought about starting some new habits. I bought a 12-week journal to build the habit, opened a long-forgotten meditation app on my phone, and committed to meditation and journaling every day. In the past, when I resolved to do something every day, I usually can’t meet the demand because I miss a day and then feel like a failure, so I just stop. This time, I resolved to be easy going about missing day and give myself grace to mess up, or rather be human.

My experience with journaling every day has been awesome. The journal that I got is a twice-daily journal, once in the morning to set intentions and once in the evening to reflect on your day. The sections are color-coded, and I (of course) got matching pens. I find that setting intentions for the day and then reflecting on how the day went has helped me see all the things I accomplish. I feel proud of myself. The last thing the journal asks is to take a moment to be grateful. I love this time. I love thinking about the day and being thankful. I have found that this simple act has reminded me of all there is to be thankful for.

I also started meditating every day. I found a teacher on the app that I like, and I listen to his 10–12-minute guided meditations each day. I try to fit them in whenever it feels right for my day. This simple act of quieting my mind and body makes me feel more connected to myself and reality. It also helps me to take little bumps in the road less personally.

So, all that’s great, but what does it have to do with self-acceptance? I am mindfully noticing small positive changes in the feelings I have about the person I am. I feel proud to be me. I set intentions to be kind and caring toward myself. I recognize moments of self-doubt and speak kindly like I would to a friend or family member.  

I recently listened to a masterclass on radical self-acceptance from Tara Brach, psychologist, author and meditation teacher. She told a story about a statue of Buddha that wasn’t very pretty to look at, but the town cared about it deeply. It was made of plaster and clay. One day, a storm came, and some cracks started to appear in the statue. The monks took an interest in the cracks and started to look underneath. What they saw beneath were hints of gold. She told this story because she relates that the experiences we have lived have taught us to cover ourselves with plaster and clay and protect and hide what’s underneath. We all need to shake off the plaster and let our gold shine through.

I’m tired of being in a battle with the person I am to fit the mold of the person I think I should be. So, little by little, I am letting the gold shine through. I am standing in my power and taking up space. By living authentically and listening to my physical and mental needs I am recognizing what I need to prioritize and what I need to let go.

My journey of self-acceptance has shown me that we all innately know how to not get burned out and be our true selves. All we have to do is listen, listen.

Dannie Greenlee is a senior clinical analyst at Solventum.